IN THE DARK
'In her despair she looked to the universe for answers. And saw that her darkness could be diffused with starlight.'
Why is it that our true connection to the universe is remembered when everything else disintegrates? Do we create a paradoxical world in order to reconnect to the higher self and higher consciousness? Sadly we do, some will die for connection others will lose everything. For some us, the more evolved minority we may just lose our sanity, our hair, our home or our friends…
As I sit in complete desperation and separation from all the makes life worth living, it is in this dark night of the soul, that I remember that I am not singular, I am not ‘nothing’. If you strip me right down of all the superficial diversionary happiness the modern world falsely promises to provide - it is then, in the dark when I am most awake. When I am alive. Awake. I feel truth. I remember I am connected and intrinsically a part of the divine feminine creation of the universe. I am the flower. I am the tree. I am the air if I chose to be.
It is here in my state of raw truth that I am all that is divine and connected. Where I am love and loved simply because I exist. And as I breathe, nature enters my body and affirms I can receive, feel and live despite being told I need, I lack and I am not enough.
This truth too exists of the feminine self. It is in sexual pleasure, our feminine compassion, it is in childbirth, in the gift of a hand or hug or love that we can feel our truth. When those around us hurt us or abandon us, in those fleeting moments when all is seems lost to our mind, it is then that we see our true, enduring, resilient female self. SHE lives inside Me. SHE sees Me. SHE is Me. And I, I am SHE.
There have been times of hardest transitions that I have seriously contemplating allowing myself the choice of no longer being a part of life. It is then when nothing of the commercial world can comfort me. It is in these moments when the human sadness I have felt from the pain rape and abandonment or the even more deeply destructive feelings of not being understood, acknowledged or loved, overwhelmed me. It is here in my complete human vulnerability I have whispered to the universe… I give up. I let go. I want out. It has been in those deeply intense and sad moments in my life that the gentle hand of time, my quiet breathe and the warm sun has reminded me of my worth and meaning. They have gently demonstrated that I am connected to so much beyond my conscious awareness. It is in the darkness that I can see the light and experience the subtle and enormous beauty of a smile, a hug, a flower, the leaves falling from the trees and clouds slowly shifting in the sky. In these moments I am an intrinsic part of the earth and connected in more ways than my restricted senses can comprehend.
Do we seek out these paradoxical scenarios and unconsciously create the darkness to remind us of the light? What if we were to keep our connection and remember to look into the light? Would the darkness of human life become redundant? Would this suffering be disconnected and unnecessary?
'In the dark… I see the light. I am wide-awake…'
Can our darkness be diffused with starlight? And if it did could we stay in the light?
